a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
