Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
