so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I could fuck to npr.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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