I think my fart just growled at me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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