my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
