:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
