I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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