Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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