Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
