I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
