Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
