I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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