They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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