what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
