Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
