I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
