I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
