I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
