im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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