so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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