You're my little dorito
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize