I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
