hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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