I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
