this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
