She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i have two assholes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
