I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
