I'm so fucking centered right now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
