Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
