And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
