Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize