Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
