I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
