Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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