my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
