then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize