He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
