Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
