Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
