Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
