marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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