If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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