Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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