let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize