This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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