Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
