I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize