quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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