I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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