I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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