I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You're like the curious george of whores
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
