she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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