your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
