they need to just BURY HIM!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
