Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
worst night to have a conscience
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
