buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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