i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
