my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
false alarm, still single
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
